Chapter 1 - The Agreement to be Shared
I still remember the first time I wore my maroon velvet lehenga on our wedding day and I called you my husband... The way your eyes teared up as you slipped the mangalsutra around my neck. Our friends and family cheering and praising our love story. We were dating since college days but we never slept with each and we only said we would do it after marriage. After 5 years of dating we finally tied the knot. We did it on the first night, it felt so pure and gentle. You were my world then. You still are.
But now as you know, our parents are pressurizing us to give them grand children. It's been two years, darling. Two years of shared dreams, late-night cuddles, stolen kisses... but also, quiet disappointment. Silent prayers. One too many negative pregnancy tests lying like ghosts in our bathroom drawer.
It wasn’t your fault. I know how broken you feel. I see it every time your touch hesitates, every time you avoid my eyes after those failed nights. And yet, when you looked at me yesterday — and told me with a trembling voice that you’d understand if I... found someone else...
God, I hated you for saying that. And I hated how much I wanted to cry. Not because you were pushing me away, but because deep down... I knew you were doing it for me.
“I’ll be in the room while you are with another man,” you said. “I won’t look away. I just want you to be happy. I want you to be a mother.”
I was reluctant but the thought of you being in the room when I'm with another man provided me a sense of comfort. So I decided to join the local dating website, after filling in the details and it was time to fill to add my photos. That's when you said, "Baby, your traditional saree pics won't cut it, we will need you in something attractive if we you want instant replies." You thought I don't have any attractive dresses that are above the knees. But, there was this one dress I was hiding from you all along.
My fingers trembled when I took out that little purple dress you never saw me in. The one I kept buried in the back of my wardrobe because your family was very traditional and would never approve of this dress.
You watched quietly as I tried it on, the hem barely grazing my thighs and the soft satin hugging and highlighting my curves. Since you had never seen me in such a dress before, I knew you were feeling uneasy by the expressions on your face.
Once I was ready and in position you picked up my phone and turned on the camera... and I let you click my pics. At first I was very camera conscious but then I heard you say, "I would be happy if you showed some of that deep neckline." That made me the confidence to bend low and show off my deep valley. My glistening white valley definitely had an effect on you cause I could see your hands trembling which is why half of the pics were blur. But that behavior of yours made me know that I was doing a good job even though you lied and said that you were feeling cold because of the AC.
After the front shots were done you said," Turn around, and lets show them how your rear looks" That made me feel bold as if I was a model and I let out my wild side out. I turned around and showed off the backless design of the dress. I even arched my back so that the dress would wrap around my rear and highlight the curves. This view made you sweat, now there is no reason that you will feel hot in an air conditioned room other than just the view of my milky bare back in that purple dress.
It was now time to upload these bold attractive pics on my dating profile. Uploading those photos felt like betrayal. As soon as these pics were live the notification bell on my phone started going of like an alarm.
Within just a couple of minutes I had about 30 guys who were after me. I felt this was a mistake for my marriage but every like, every message that followed... reminded me of something I had almost forgotten: that I could still be wanted.
Men started sending me pics of their tool to grab my attention. These guys tools were easily two times bigger than yours. I didn't want to show you those pics and humiliate you. But since it would be my first time with another man I wanted some one who I would be comfortable to communicate with.
One message stood out. His name was Samuel. African, tall, polite — and strangely respectful. He wasn’t crude like the others. His words were careful, curious... warm. Couple of hours chatting with him and I realize that we have common hobbies and interests as well.
I haven’t told you yet, but I agreed to meet him.
No hotel. No bedroom. Just coffee. Just to see if I can talk to a man like that — knowing you’re the only one I’ll truly ever love.
Click here! to know what happens on the coffee date with Samuel in Chapter - 2
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